Nothing is more beautiful than watching life be created...

Today has been a vey surreal day. I'm not sure how one  does prepare for a day like today but it was everything and nothing like I expected.

Jessica (the mama) picked me up from my house just before 9am. We stopped at the apothocary on our way to pick up my additional meds I will need for the next few weeks.

We checked into surgery scheduling where our favorite nurse, Amy, was working. We laughed and told her all about the Baby Mama party I had and showed her all the fun pictures.

At 10am, James (the daddy) met us at the clinic and I recieved a 30 min acupuncture treatment from Dr. Dang to relax me, help blood flow, and mostly to relax the uterus. I had to have full bladder by 11 and laying there wasnt too relaxing as a result. I tried to just relax and picture the babies growing inside me, them being born, and playing as toddlers. I just repeated this over and over as I laid there listening to classical music and trying not to wet myself. :)

At 1045 we were all gowned up and ready to go.

They brought us back into the procedure room. Dr Craig went over the quality of the embryos. Jessica held my right hand and held James' hand with her other one. Nurse Amy held my left hand and  the transfer began. It takes about 10 min total. The ultrasound tech pushes down on your full bladder to create a straight direct line to enter the uterus. We stared at the ultrasound machine as Dr Craig talked us through what was happening. I could hear Nurse Amy say a quick quiet prayer. Once the catheter was placed in my uterus correctly, I watched a small, white air bubble enter followed by another one. I could hear sniffles in the room.

The 2 babies were implanted! I laid there for another minute or so while Dr Craig explained the percentage of success rate based on the transfer and my discharge instructions. He said the highest rate of probable success he gives is 64%, and he gives me a 64% chance of one taking and at 42% chance of both babies taking. There is only a 1% that either embryo will split and become a multiple.

The process was and is still very surreal, like and out of body experience as I watched life begin.

I had another 30 min acupuncture treatment to help the uterus to relax and not contract. I had a few small spasms but they stopped during the treatment.

I am currently relaxing and on bedrest at Jess and James house for the next 48 hours. I will go in a few weeks to draw blood and see if Im pregnant.

All we can do now is wait. As Jessica posted, "The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time"

It's finally here...

I havent been updating because all you would hear about is these amazing shots Im taking daily and how great they feel :)

Since I last updated I have had a Baby Mama Party thrown for me! I've had 2 ultrasounds to check the lining of my uterus and they both came out great. We have been able to move forward on time, every time. Currently I am on 7 pills a day, 2 injections, and 3 vaginal creams but its all been worth in because tomorrow I go in for transfer!!!

We are all very excited (and nervous)!

They have 11 embryos.. 4 of which are in great condition. They have been frozen for just over a week, waiting on me. Tomorrow morning they will transfer 2 and I will be on bedrest for the following 48 hours hanging with the parents. We plan to laugh, eat, and watch movies all weekend.

Throughout this process I have felt more love and support then I ever have in my life. I feel like this is all happening for a reason. Not just to bless this family with what they deserve but its been an outlet for service in many people around me. I could not have asked for a better couple to do this for. I was worried about my mental and physical strength throughout this and so far I have not faltered or questioned my decsision once!

We will not know for a few weeks if Im pregnant but we could use all the positive thoughts we could get!

Thanks for all the love and support up until now. It has kept me going!

Feelin' the Hormones

I have been taking 2 birth control pills a day for weeks now and they just switched me to a new kind because I wasn't responding the way they had hoped. I was still having breakthrough bleeding. (Now keep in mind my 7 year old son was conceived on the pill so I know my body reacts uniquely.) Ive already put on weight from the pills and have bloating. This new pill is supposed to be stronger and I think it is. I was very cranky today. Had to catch myself a couple times and tell myself "its just the meds, this wouldn't normally upset you" My kids called me out and we all laughed about it. Despite it all today ended with me cuddling on the couch with my kids. Im just grateful the hormone imbalance isn't so bad that I am crying over things, then we are in trouble :)

I start my injections this week and stop the birth control a few days after that. Then I am on a very strict (sometimes three times a day) medication schedule for the next month. It includes pills, creams, and injections both in my stomach and butt. Because it is not my egg, my treatment is similar to any IVF patient. The actual date for transfer will be set for the beginning of December.

Just wanted to warn everyone in advance... I'm feelin'the Hormones :)

Repeat after me: It's an honor, it's an honor... and a sacrifice :)

Shortly after accepting to be her 'baby mama,'  Jess text me and said, "Thank you for your sacrifice." I responded with, "It's not a sacrifice... it's and HONOR." Well that became our joke-of-the-day as I went in for an HSG procedure today and I got my med list and schedule for the next 2 months.

Right now my meds are easy; Prenatal Vitamins, Birth Control and Folgard (which helps prevent birth defects) But shortly I will be on pills, creams, and multiple injections, sometimes 3 times a day. Jess did prepare me for this news, but it becomes very real when your daily schedule is written out for you. Kinda makes you feel like a lab rat :)

She also prepared me by warning me that the HSG procedure was painful and she had cramping afterward. During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye  is put through a thin tube that is put through the whooha and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes.The reason they do this is to make sure there are no blockages and to know exactly where to place the egg and sperm when its time. The procedure is less that 5 min and on a person with no blockages or issues looks something like this:

For me, the actual procedure was uncomfortable but painless. They kept telling me how amazing I was doing and Dr. Craig reminded me again that I had PLENTY of room for twins :) They discharged me because I was having no real side affects, so Jess and I decided to go to lunch. I no more than ordered, and BAM! The pain hit me. It felt like I just got kicked in the stomach, nausea and all. Then progressed to a full on labor type contraction that lasted 30min! I was hurting. I even laid on the bathroom floor trying to ease the pressure. I finally puked after laying there a bit and instantly the pain started decreasing. 

By the time I got home it was much better. Its been 5 hours since the procedure and right now I look 4 months pregnant with bloating and feel bruised like I was kicked in my uterus. I did not expect it to be as painful as it was! I am very glad its over and I will never have to do that again. I feel sorry for the women who have to endure that multiple times.

I am so grateful to have Jessica holding my hand each step of the way. I reassured her today that I never anticipated this to be easy. But it is very real, and still an honor, and a sacrifice :) Im ready for whatever comes still knowing, for me,  its the right thing to do!

Turns out....I am a baby making machine :)

I have been so nervous the last few days in anticipation of today's appointment with the fertility doctor. No real reason other than no one has ever looked inside and out to see if I was a good candidate. I thought of "what ifs" but they all can be summarized to one "what if" and that is "What if he says I am not good enough?"

At this point I am pretty emotionally and physically invested in this process, determined that it will be successful. But as I sat there today and the doctor kept saying how amazing a candidate I was my thoughts shifted to my friend sitting beside me, through blood draws and intravaginal ultrasounds and pages and pages of questions, maybe the concerns that I had leading up to this appointment is how she feels. And to me she is good enough! She is amazing and worth every bit of this!

The sacrifices for this have begun. Today I had to back out of a race I was planning on running in October because the doctor asked that I do not do any level one exercise. Up until today I have been running 20+ miles a week. I felt guilty backing out on my team but as I said in my first blog, there is not a doubt in my mind that this is the right thing to do. And that basic truth will always be my driving force throughout this process.

So here we go!!! We still don't have final dates but we will in the next week or so. Next week I get to meet with a psychologist to determine if I am mentally stable enough to do this now that I have passed the physical requirements. Maybe that is the appointment I should be worried about hahahaha! I kid :)

I feel steadfast with this journey. 9 months of sacrifice for a lifetime of happiness!

Counting Blessings I Didn't Know We Had

Just finished a book called Pathways to Parenthood; The Ultimate Guide to Surrogacy. They author very eloquently put into words some emotions I have felt. Namely the feeling of being a 3rd party on an amazing journey. Many people have asked me if I think it will be an issue giving the babies up after they are born. My answer is no. I do think there will be inevitable bonding, but I know going into this the baby(ies) are not mine.

I explained it to my kids this way; I am just babysitting. I will take care of them and love them while they are in my care but then give them back to their parents with a smile on my face. As I picture the coming moments: hearing the heart beat, seeing the ultrasound, etc. I imagine it will be like being in the room with your friend for the first time they hear it. I will be happy and excited... for them!

My ex husband has watched me take on many things including extra jobs, foster children, now this pregnancy. And to his credit does not say much other than make sure I have thought about the impact on my children. My hope is that through all my choices that somehow Ive taught them the greatest gift my mom taught me; selfless service. Nothing has given me more joy than those small little acts that take little effort from me but have given so much joy to others. I understand in saying this that this is no small act. However the impact is the same.

Last night my ex husband text me "Hug the children for me. Working in the NICU tonight. Counting blessings I didn't know we had. "

My thought was exactly! And now I am honored to give that blessing to a couple who knows exactly what I have. And all they want is the same opportunity.

I leave you with this. Find a small act to do today for someone else. It doesn't have to be huge. Just make someone smile and you will find that no matter what you are going through you will begin to smile as well.

Baby Stopper has been removed....

Jessica and I met for lunch today at Flancer's. This is getting very real. Jess brought me some books to begin reading. One of them almost made me cry just reading the back!!! Today begins the first of many procedures over the next few months before I get fertilized :)

After lunch we went to my OBGYN. Jess stayed with me while I got my PAP and routine tests done and then held my hand while they removed my IUD. Ive had it in me for 7+ years and with a quick tug it was gone! We are lucky that I had 10 year non hormonal IUD. With any other we would have had to wait 6 months before they will even begin the process. Everything just seems to be falling into place.

Dr. Falk was amazing and so excited to be a part of this process. He has only done one other surrogacy in his career and it was within the last year and they delivered at the same Hospital we will. We both were reassured to hear this.

Next step is to meet with Dr Craig the fertility specialist where I will have a 3 hour appointment where they thoroughly examine me inside and out. We have to meet with the lawyer and a psychologist as well. Looks like October or November before we do our first try at putting their buns in my oven!!!  

My post on facebook says it all: "Beginning my year of abstinence... baby stopper is officially removed!"

A Mothers Love...

A few days ago my friend posted:

"Giving in doesn't always mean you are weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough to finally let go"...

The tears just started flooding because I knew what this meant; within a few minutes of that post I got a text; "Destinee we would like to take you to dinner, we have an important question for you."

My friend and I had been meeting for lunch or coffee for the last couple months as she went through her 3rd round of in vitro. She was so positive and happy saying that whatever was meant to happen will. I wont go much into her journey because that is her story to tell. But during one of these lunches we began discussing having a gestational carrier (or as we called at that time: surrogacy) 

For me pregnancy had always been a simple choice. Something I had "accidentally" accomplished a few times, resulting in 2 beautiful, healthy children that are my whole world. In fact for me the concern has always been NOT having more. And yet for her it wasn't so simple. She was enduring procedures and injections just for the chance to be a mom one day.

To me she had done everything right. Married the love of her life, they had traveled and spent time just being married and being best friends. They were financially responsible and would be able to care for children comfortably. She even majored in some form of child development and worked with children. And yet the one thing they wanted most they were struggling to have.

To be honest I was relieved (for her) when I received that text.

We met for dinner at La Bocca in Tempe. More tears were shed as she told me that she loved her children so much that she wanted them to come in this world with every opportunity possible, even if it meant she couldn't carry them. My answer to that was, " Sounds like you are ready to be a mother." 

I sat for a few days and 'what if's' popped in my head as I talked with my family and my support system. But all of them went away as a gentle peace came over me. Because I knew it was the right thing to do. That no matter what this journey brought on that we would take it on one moment at a time and that in the end, it would all be okay.