Counting Blessings I Didn't Know We Had

Just finished a book called Pathways to Parenthood; The Ultimate Guide to Surrogacy. They author very eloquently put into words some emotions I have felt. Namely the feeling of being a 3rd party on an amazing journey. Many people have asked me if I think it will be an issue giving the babies up after they are born. My answer is no. I do think there will be inevitable bonding, but I know going into this the baby(ies) are not mine.

I explained it to my kids this way; I am just babysitting. I will take care of them and love them while they are in my care but then give them back to their parents with a smile on my face. As I picture the coming moments: hearing the heart beat, seeing the ultrasound, etc. I imagine it will be like being in the room with your friend for the first time they hear it. I will be happy and excited... for them!

My ex husband has watched me take on many things including extra jobs, foster children, now this pregnancy. And to his credit does not say much other than make sure I have thought about the impact on my children. My hope is that through all my choices that somehow Ive taught them the greatest gift my mom taught me; selfless service. Nothing has given me more joy than those small little acts that take little effort from me but have given so much joy to others. I understand in saying this that this is no small act. However the impact is the same.

Last night my ex husband text me "Hug the children for me. Working in the NICU tonight. Counting blessings I didn't know we had. "

My thought was exactly! And now I am honored to give that blessing to a couple who knows exactly what I have. And all they want is the same opportunity.

I leave you with this. Find a small act to do today for someone else. It doesn't have to be huge. Just make someone smile and you will find that no matter what you are going through you will begin to smile as well.

Baby Stopper has been removed....

Jessica and I met for lunch today at Flancer's. This is getting very real. Jess brought me some books to begin reading. One of them almost made me cry just reading the back!!! Today begins the first of many procedures over the next few months before I get fertilized :)

After lunch we went to my OBGYN. Jess stayed with me while I got my PAP and routine tests done and then held my hand while they removed my IUD. Ive had it in me for 7+ years and with a quick tug it was gone! We are lucky that I had 10 year non hormonal IUD. With any other we would have had to wait 6 months before they will even begin the process. Everything just seems to be falling into place.

Dr. Falk was amazing and so excited to be a part of this process. He has only done one other surrogacy in his career and it was within the last year and they delivered at the same Hospital we will. We both were reassured to hear this.

Next step is to meet with Dr Craig the fertility specialist where I will have a 3 hour appointment where they thoroughly examine me inside and out. We have to meet with the lawyer and a psychologist as well. Looks like October or November before we do our first try at putting their buns in my oven!!!  

My post on facebook says it all: "Beginning my year of abstinence... baby stopper is officially removed!"

A Mothers Love...

A few days ago my friend posted:

"Giving in doesn't always mean you are weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough to finally let go"...

The tears just started flooding because I knew what this meant; within a few minutes of that post I got a text; "Destinee we would like to take you to dinner, we have an important question for you."

My friend and I had been meeting for lunch or coffee for the last couple months as she went through her 3rd round of in vitro. She was so positive and happy saying that whatever was meant to happen will. I wont go much into her journey because that is her story to tell. But during one of these lunches we began discussing having a gestational carrier (or as we called at that time: surrogacy) 

For me pregnancy had always been a simple choice. Something I had "accidentally" accomplished a few times, resulting in 2 beautiful, healthy children that are my whole world. In fact for me the concern has always been NOT having more. And yet for her it wasn't so simple. She was enduring procedures and injections just for the chance to be a mom one day.

To me she had done everything right. Married the love of her life, they had traveled and spent time just being married and being best friends. They were financially responsible and would be able to care for children comfortably. She even majored in some form of child development and worked with children. And yet the one thing they wanted most they were struggling to have.

To be honest I was relieved (for her) when I received that text.

We met for dinner at La Bocca in Tempe. More tears were shed as she told me that she loved her children so much that she wanted them to come in this world with every opportunity possible, even if it meant she couldn't carry them. My answer to that was, " Sounds like you are ready to be a mother." 

I sat for a few days and 'what if's' popped in my head as I talked with my family and my support system. But all of them went away as a gentle peace came over me. Because I knew it was the right thing to do. That no matter what this journey brought on that we would take it on one moment at a time and that in the end, it would all be okay.