Just finished a book called Pathways to Parenthood; The Ultimate Guide to Surrogacy. They author very eloquently put into words some emotions I have felt. Namely the feeling of being a 3rd party on an amazing journey. Many people have asked me if I think it will be an issue giving the babies up after they are born. My answer is no. I do think there will be inevitable bonding, but I know going into this the baby(ies) are not mine.
I explained it to my kids this way; I am just babysitting. I will take care of them and love them while they are in my care but then give them back to their parents with a smile on my face. As I picture the coming moments: hearing the heart beat, seeing the ultrasound, etc. I imagine it will be like being in the room with your friend for the first time they hear it. I will be happy and excited... for them!
My ex husband has watched me take on many things including extra jobs, foster children, now this pregnancy. And to his credit does not say much other than make sure I have thought about the impact on my children. My hope is that through all my choices that somehow Ive taught them the greatest gift my mom taught me; selfless service. Nothing has given me more joy than those small little acts that take little effort from me but have given so much joy to others. I understand in saying this that this is no small act. However the impact is the same.
Last night my ex husband text me "Hug the children for me. Working in the NICU tonight. Counting blessings I didn't know we had. "
My thought was exactly! And now I am honored to give that blessing to a couple who knows exactly what I have. And all they want is the same opportunity.
I leave you with this. Find a small act to do today for someone else. It doesn't have to be huge. Just make someone smile and you will find that no matter what you are going through you will begin to smile as well.
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